Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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