I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
