did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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