Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize