love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
