saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize