Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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