I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
