I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You smell like stripper and shame
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
