hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
