SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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