I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
