the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize