so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Are my feet made of real feet?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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