I'm so fucking centered right now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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