i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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