he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
