I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
