We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
