onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
