I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
