I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
