Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
