im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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