we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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