If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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