I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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