Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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