You're my little dorito
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
