New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
