called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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