At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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