there's paper in my vomit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
