we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
