I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
