i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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