oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
