Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
