I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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