You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
