new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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