I'm drive I can fine osifer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
