It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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