Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
