I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
