the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
