Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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