this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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