I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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