I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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