Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
