it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
