she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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