i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
