Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize