if only i could text you this smell
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
