I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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