I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
