When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The Olympian is in my bed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
