My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
