I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
