i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
