even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
