Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
