3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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