I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
