She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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