Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize