Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
