Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize